A Quick Blog Insider

Hello, I am planning on revamping this blog soon. Smiling picture (seems appropriate, right?), adding contact information, changing the Facebook page a bit, reblogging old posts. You know why? Because I am wondering whether this blog is ever going to earn me some kind of income or fame (tbh that would be nice), and I figure that means I need to give it some TLC. Hope you are all okay that I plan on selling out as soon as I possibly can. But don’t worry, there is basically no chance that I will ever get that opportunity. So don’t abandon all respect for me yet.

Current Employment: Failure

I haven’t heard back from the interviewer (two days later than she said she’d contact me), and now I’m looking at the possibility of freelance writing jobs. I have never felt so unmotivated to “put myself out there,” and yet I have never needed to be out there more.

Sigh.

Fewer than 10 fingers

I can count on my fingers how many days I have left until I get married.

Questions everyone always asks us:

  1. Are you excited?
  2. When’s the big day?
  3. Where are you going on your honeymoon?
  4. How did you meet?

Answers for you, my Readers.

  1. Yes of course we’re excited
  2. Fewer than 10 fingers away
  3. South
  4. Junior high

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing you all for a long time. I have spent much time this summer delving into the new and exciting world of Netflix. My roommate let us all share her Netflix account, but in my new post-wedding apartment we won’t have a TV! Hm… that probably indicates an eventual rise in the frequency of blog posts. We shall see.

I am not watching the Olympics, but I am aware that it is going on.

I am trying to pick a career but I get bats in my stomach every time I imagine myself as a real adult living the day-in, day-out work life. After I graduated from school, and now that the wedding is almost here, I feel a little purposeless. *sigh*

I have a cold, I think, and I’m trying to squelch it before I get married. Honey and lemon water, anyone?

Anyway, hi. I remember you. I miss you. I don’t know where I am in my life or what my future blogging patterns will be, but please know that you guys have a place in my heart. Wish me luck on my new marriage adventure, eh?

Metaphors and Memories

Hello!

My brain is okay but I still don’t really know what I’m doing in life. It is snowy where I am in Utah, the skies grayish and the ground too. I don’t know why I haven’t been blogging lately. I suppose it is because we move through life the way we do scattered rainstorms on the freeway, sometimes passing through battering sky water, or mist and puddles, or glittering sunshine and rainbows. Maybe I am that way with writing. It comes and goes.

School started again, my last semester. It feels good to be so close to finishing.

Who am I talking to? Hello, human. You are reading this. Or maybe you are a cat on a laptop with all abilities of reading but without the knowledge of personal language expression. Did I just make a cat reference? Meow.

Blah, I have nothing to say. Life is moving so fast, faster than is safe. I feel like I’m at the top of an icy hill and I’m just losing my footing. My feet blur, cartoon-like, as I try to regain balance, but the truth is that I hiked up this hill on my own so I must have wanted to try the rush of gliding down.

I am dating someone. He makes me happy. It’s all so confusing, but nice.

I sleep late on days I don’t have school. My dreams are strange and I have nightmares sometimes. I think about days back at BYU, staying with my extended family. I recently pulled out the bag of BYU shirts I hid in the closet last year and I returned them to my drawers. I’m wearing one right now, actually. The first time I put one on last week I could actually feel a burning on my chest where the logo fell, but it’s getting better. My mom wants me to go to the campus and yell that I’m taking back Provo. This seems silly but to be honest it is not above me.

I want to scream with frustration at myself that I am not more productive. (I considered actually screaming but then I decided that would stress me out, so I’ll do a tiny scream here: Scream! If nothing else I made myself smile.)

What is up with your life? We haven’t seen each other in forever. I don’t know who you are so I guess I haven’t necessarily missed you, but there’s an absence when we don’t chat.

I’m going to post a piece of writing I found in my email drafts from November 2014. I promise I’ve come a long way, even if my writing sounds just as dejected.

You are welcome for this blog post, and I sincerely thank you for your time and caring on my behalf.

Love, Maney

 

Stay, life. Staaay… Good life!

I’m gone for a month and WordPress has already changed? Seriously?

So this is what has been happening:

I’ve been unduly anxious (I know you’re all so shocked), mostly because I’ve been agonizing over complicated life crap, such as thinking of my future, certain church policy changes recently made public, and other such magical events.

Not to mention a friend took a public shot at my writing and I lost a little charity–it’s never fun to feel taken for granted, right? But the Poetry Fridays were getting stale anyway, and I was hardly posting anything else, so I think a break was good. I’m only writing today because it’s one month to the day I stopped. Yes, be grateful.

Oh, also, I started dating this guy officially. –>

https://maneysmilesback.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/querido/

(P.S. Why won’t WordPress let me embed my own blog posts now?)

Possibly the universe is fighting against me having this blog.

But I checked recently and I think I have 188 followers, and I’m grateful for all of you sticking out this radio silence, as well as the (as I have so eloquently deemed) average content of this blog.

I am alive, I am thankfully stepping out of a brief spell of mild depression, and I have a devilishly handsome young man in my life who thinks my hair smells nice even when I would classify it as hazardous material.

And how can you go wrong with that?

Getting Doodley

(Hey, y’all, I wanted to try this form of blogging. It’s probably a one-time thing.)

I call myself Maney and I like to write. I’m learning guitar, I love ice cream, and sea otters are my favorite animals. I doodle so much it’s not even funny. During school, during church, in my journal, etc. So I wanted to see if I could share them a little via the blogging platform.

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At school I doodle because I am bored bored bored BORED. My mind wanders and I get distracted. I hate sitting in the classroom and listening to droning teachers. I feel so exposed. At church I doodle because I get anxious, or I’m so tired and I’m trying to keep myself awake. And sometimes it makes me feel less lonely. It’s hard to talk to people.

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Some days I can hardly say a word. Other days I can be gregarious because I feel okay, or I see myself in the other solitary sitters. I can talk to them. One shy person at a time is usually not too hard to talk to.

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At home I spend a lot of time watching TV series when I feel lonely, anxious, hopeless, etc. It’s fun having friends you can always count on. I try to do dishes or fold laundry or clean my room, because ironically, watching TV makes me feel guilty for wasting time.

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Also I have depression.

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Spiders are one of my many enemies, right up there with ringing phones, cold spoons scraping together, and death.

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My family doesn’t appreciate when I smash a spider but then refuse to throw away the dead body. (Carcass?) I feel I’ve been brave enough to get rid of the little monster–why should I be expected to touch it, ever?

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This is a family portrait. I am the one on the top right. My right. Wha–

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I also have a lot of plants in my room, tiny palm trees and cacti. I like flowers too but I always forget to water them, so I just stick to keeping these more desert-y plants. I talk to them out loud when I water them. They make my room smell nice, like soil.

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The end. Goodnight.

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Comment or like this madness below if you appreciated this type of storytelling and possibly want more.

Yerp.

Last Words Before Brutal Death by Hordes of Young Mormon Feminists

Guys. Team. Readers.

My stomach’s in my throat right now.

!!!

So. I got accepted to write for this really cool blog called Young Mormon Feminists. And I’m freaking out but no big deal.

Hopefully I will be able to eventually get over my anxiety/excitement about this opportunity. But in case I am killed by hordes of angry YMF readers, just know that you guys are awesome and it’s been a real pleasure sharing my thoughts with you.

P.S. This is how I feel: (The whole video applies, but especially from 1:40 on.)

P.P.S. I’m making a big deal out of this but it’s pretty much not even a cool thing.

P.P.P.S. I’m going to be excited anyway.