We’re All a Little Crazy

My anxiety’s not as bad as it used to be, but I know that some of you have it that bad and worse. Hold on. You feel alone but you’re not.

maney smiles back

These are things I tell myself when I feel an anxiety attack coming on, which happens about once on good days.

  • You are invisible. People who look at you can’t really see you.
  • Humans can smell fear. As long as you don’t act afraid, they won’t hurt you.
  • Name off as many words as you can that begin with C but make the S sound. Cistern, circular, celestial…
  • Notice people’s shoes.
  • Count in Binary on your fingers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
  • Don’t step on the cracks.
  • Sing happy songs. “You Are My Sunshine,” “Danny Boy,” “Into the West,” “If All the Raindrops…”
  • Make believe you’re someone else, someone who’s normal and happy.
  • Hide in the bathroom until your brain stops humming.
  • Crying in bathroom stalls is allowed. Just get quiet when other shoes shuffle inside.
  • Hugging yourself is allowed.
  • Don’t smile unless you want to. They can’t take that…

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Understanding Amidst Conflict

So vulnerable, so true. Love is something I personally need to focus on when dealing with differing political opinions.

practicalmormon

Politics has this subtly unnerving way of creating conflict in otherwise peaceful relationships. Over this last election, I developed this horrible habit where I would unconsciously categorize people in my head based on how much their political views agreed with my own. As my daily conversations with people inevitably turned to politics, I would closely watch for how people reacted to the mention of certain political ideas and take note of it as a key factor in how I saw them as a person and how I viewed our relationship as friends, family or classmates. Even when I outwardly put up a cordial front when people expressed political views that I disagree with, inwardly I would unconsciously make a mental note to think less of the person and, in certain instances, try and limit contact with them. It was as if I thought of my own point of view as…

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Streams of Mercy

The snow has been coming and going. Mostly coming.

I haven’t written you for a long while and I’m sorry. Not because I think you have suffered at all from my lack of correspondence, but because I look over the last few empty months and realize I didn’t write about anything I’ve been through.

I finally got a job and it is quite nice. I’m working with at-risk youth at a residential treatment center. I’m exploring the field of social work right now and so far it has been rewarding, though tiring.

My husband has been cooking new dishes lately. Last night I had gumbo for the first time. I really liked it. He added kale, which tasted fine, though I had been under the impression that kale shreds your insides? I think I heard that from a family member.

People are marching all over the world. I’m glad that some people let their passion fuel them into action. I drown my passion in Netflix and naps.

I’ve started preparing a lesson I will have to give in church in a few months. Lately I have been impressed to talk about relying on the Savior, as well as bringing the Atonement to the forefront of our lives. The interesting thing to me is that I believe that the Lord loves me, is always with me, and has a plan for me, but I forget about this belief 99% of the time. Sure, I believe it’s true, but it isn’t going to do much for me if I don’t let that knowledge change my daily, hourly perspective on life.

My anxiety has been bothering me more lately. I find deep breathing helps me cope. Cuddling is also positive, and I’d recommend it if you have the means.

My little family of two is so blessed. We have so much. So often my mind and heart get weighed down worrying, but I try to remember how good I have it.

I hope you are all doing quite, quite well.

Maybe Jesus Was a Lousy Carpenter

I like the parallels drawn in this.

Must Be This Tall To Ride

bad fence “Thanks for building our fence, Jesus. We promise to leave you a fair review on the Angie’s List bulletin board next time we’re in town.” (Image/Home Services by Gary) I don’t know whether things like building inspectors or mechanisms for people to leave positive andnegative customer reviews existed in the Middle East 2,000 years ago.

But maybe in the Nazareth town square there was a bulletin board of some kind where townspeople could leave reviews.

“Ezekiel the shepherd did an amazing job! He took our goats and pigs from Town A to Town B in just a few weeks’ time and he only ate three of our goats to survive! If you need a shepherd/goat herder for a cross-country flock transfer, Zeke’s totally your guy!”

Or maybe.

“We hired Ishmael to help us harvest figs and grapes. He was the absolute worst. He showed up late every day, collected the…

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5 Reminders For Anyone Who’s Depressed

If you struggle with depression, READ THIS. It’s perf.
Love you all. ❤

Let's Queer Things Up!

I’m a little over two weeks into a depressive episode. According to my therapist, anyway. I’ve been a human slug, inching my way around my apartment, dramatically sighing and eating microwave meals and watching the dishes stack up in the sink.

You know the deal.

This, just two months after being hospitalized (can I just catch a break?). You’d think that all the intensive therapies, support groups, medication changes, and workbooks would have prevented this. But alas, here I am – sometimes depression manages to get a foot in the door despite your best efforts.

Sometimes when I’m entering into a depressive episode, I like to write down reminders that I want to hold onto as I go through it. They can be affirmations, reality checks, or words of wisdom.

Anything, really, to keep some perspective when I’m dealing with my episode. I try to write down the words I think…

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Current Employment: Failure

I haven’t heard back from the interviewer (two days later than she said she’d contact me), and now I’m looking at the possibility of freelance writing jobs. I have never felt so unmotivated to “put myself out there,” and yet I have never needed to be out there more.

Sigh.

the queen of the raptors

Dear Readers, if you are interested in hearing about my life, I am having an easier time lately communicating through bunny doodles. I therefore direct you to my new experimental blog: thebunnieswhotry.wordpress.com 🙂 Stay tuned for further Maney-related updates.

The Bunnies Who Try

This weekend my fiance and I had to drive to our parents’ homes to see our families, work on wedding preparations, and (in my case) attend a rip-roarin’ summer sleepover party with girl friends. Everything went great, but there was one problem: I didn’t get to bed until 3 a.m. on two separate nights. As you can imagine, I spent much of church with my head in my lap, trying and failing to lull myself to sleep in exhausted desperation.

*imagine a bunny that is comically slumped forward on a church pew, I don’t feel like drawing it right now, I’m still really tired*

After church on Sunday, we visited a friend’s house to bond over tortillas and sing hymns around a piano. As the hours ticked by, I could feel my strength waning, along with my patience. My friends may have had the gumption to sing on key, harmonize–heck, even socialize, but…

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