My counselor recently grilled me on how I need to be proud of myself and my life. She tried to get me to own up to all these supposedly good things about me, but it was so hard. This round, my depression has made me feel worthless. And since I just realized that that is a problem, I’ve only just begun the long road back to having good self-esteem and self-compassion.
I feel so empty. Pride? Not even.
But this has to change. Because if I want to live and value my life, I need to change my attitude. (Yes, I just said the “attitude” word, and I don’t mean that depression can be fixed by forcing yourself to be happy. However, at this point in my recovery process, I think I can at least start to try having better cognitive thinking, which looks a lot like changing my attitude.)
So I am proud of this blog. Honestly, it’s my favorite hobby. I love writing to you all. I love reading about the world through your words. I love checking Freshly Pressed to see which cool new writers I can follow. I love feeling like I am helping people, even a little bit, even for just a moment. One smile, one warm feeling, one moment of self love that you may experience, and my mission is complete.
Anyway, so this is just a shout-out to my readers. I’m grateful for you in my life, and I treasure you. I know that your reasons for reading this blog vary. Some of you have depression, some don’t. Some know me, some don’t. I don’t know most of you. But, whoever you are, this post is for you:
Since graduating high school, I have been trying to educate myself about the world, specifically the parts I was shielded from while growing up. One of these self-education quests has been about everything LGBT. I’m not yet done learning about it–the politics, the injustices, people’s personal stories, and more–but I’ve made a lot of progress. One of my favorite sources of information so far is Laci Green, an “American YouTube video blogger, public sex educator, and feminist” (I just stole that off her Wikipedia page). Interestingly enough, she’s also an ex-Mormon. She is just so relatable and easy for teenagers to understand. She says it like it is (as far as she knows) in a way that makes topics less scary, less taboo. She swears freely, so if that bothers you, well… we should find you a different source.
I’d like to consider myself an advocate on behalf of the oppressed. I only know a smattering of LGBT people, but I know that it is a very sensitive subject that affects thousands if not millions. And I’m sure I have hidden biases concerning this subject, like how I realized one day that I had been living with bias against men and women with depression until I was made to understand through experience. But I’m striving to become more accepting and loving to everyone, no matter their sexual orientation.
Remember to love yourself even if you’re unsure about where you stand; you’ll figure it out eventually and we can all party when that day comes.