Last night I stayed up until 4:40 a.m. because wind was beating incessantly at my window. I think I only fell asleep at that point out of sheer physical desperation. All day I've been off my groove, eating at weird times and avoiding social contact. (Well, that's actually normal for me, but it felt more weird … Continue reading Leelah: A Little Too Close to Home
Every year my parents instruct us to write a note to Santa to put with the milk and cookies. This year I was the only child who conceded, but only because I had the ulterior motive of pointing the finger of blame at a certain jolly old man. I wrote a letter to him asking questions … Continue reading What Santa Taught Me This Year
Nighttime You're wrapped in me, in the quilt, in snowflakes. Steady breaths disrupt the stillness of my chest. I study your untroubled eyelids. Past the window, snow glitters in streetlight. Warm breaths cover my lips, and I close my eyes. * * * If you read this poem, whom did you picture? Mother and child? Owner and … Continue reading Poetry Friday: Nighttime
It’s true. The fight for trans* rights won’t be won by smiling and being patient. Go, Sam.
“Smiling won’t change the man who comments on my article and says, ‘Miss Finch, do you pretend to be a man because you think you’ll get more readers that way? Miss Finch, why do you lie?'”
Illustration by Jessica Krcmarik
[The image features an illustration of the author, an androgynous white person, holding up a sign that reads: “Trans* rights NOW.” Surrounding the author are other indistinct and faceless people, ignoring the author as he protests. The text above the author reads, “BE LESS AGGRESSIVE! BE KINDER! PEOPLE WOULD LISTEN IF…”]
I have been told that if I were just kinder, if I were less aggressive, if I were less loud, if I were gentler, people would finally respect me.
If I weren’t so impatient, they tell me, transgender and non-binary people would find the acceptance that they are looking for. Slowly but surely, from the mere power of our kindness, people would come around.
It is true – at times, I am impatient.
But to ask me to be patient in face of oppression, invisibilization, and violence is laughable. To ask me to swallow…
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(Obviously many of you are spending December in different ways. I wish I could be more politically correct with this blog, but I've celebrated Christmas my entire life, and I can only write about what I know. I'm sorry.) I feel a constant pressure to be better. It's partly my mental illnesses and partly my environment. Wanting to be … Continue reading What We Need
With mental illness, much of the healing process involves not comparing yourself to others.
Enough I will shake with sobs on the couch in the office, cover my face and wish it were over. I will build a pyramid of used tissues in my lap as my tears stream; slowly working through the questions, and, even harder, the answers. I will leave thinking I am through—too … Continue reading Poetry Friday: Enough