Poetry Friday: Not Anymore

I paired this poem with a YouTube video because I feel like they juxtapose wishing to not exist with wanting to be everything at once. Lenka's song is just creepy enough. Not Anymore I am taking off my clothes and stepping on the scale and thinking how I've lost weight because I don't eat anymore. I … Continue reading Poetry Friday: Not Anymore

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Blog Posts That Lead to More Blog Posts

I don't know if this counts as a post. I've had a lot of topics on my mind lately and I'm trying to pull my brain together enough to write on them, because when topics really matter, they deserve to read like art. Anyway, hopefully I'll get around to them, though it's been crazy lately, what with … Continue reading Blog Posts That Lead to More Blog Posts

Poetry Friday: I Don’t Understand Life

I Don’t Understand Life I catch myself not understanding life when I walk to the bus stop or the counseling office, sometimes eating an apple or avoiding cracks in the sidewalk. I can’t understand how some go their whole lives and never want to kill themselves. And I can’t understand how most people don’t have … Continue reading Poetry Friday: I Don’t Understand Life

8 Things That I Learned In Therapy

Oh my yes. Poignant, insightful, sensitive, inspirational; Sam, this piece is awesome and I hope you never stop writing.

Let's Queer Things Up!

whatilearnedIllustration by Jessica Krcmarik.

Therapy didn’t result in a singular epiphany that changed everything for me. There wasn’t a light bulb moment when I realized that everything stemmed from some childhood event, or that my “issues” began when a bully threw my Popsicle into the sand box. When I began therapy at the age of 17, though, that’s what I imagined it would be.

During my years of therapy, it was subtle realizations through guided dialogue — not one big AHA! moment — that challenged a lot of my unhealthy thoughts and behaviors, and ultimately, changed my life.

What I thought would be a couple months of counseling turned out to be five years — five years that taught me so much, lessons I’ll never forget.

Therapy was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And although the impact is still being realized every single day, I’ve compiled a…

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To Matter

I leaned into his body with my shoulder against his chest, his arm wrapped around me as we rested against the car. Five birds, black against the pale blue and yellow sunset, flew across the scene. The world darkened and melted into gray clouds--all the world except the framed sunset with a strip of land and distant mountain separating marsh from … Continue reading To Matter

Getting Serious Adult Help

When I started this blog, most of what I wrote about depression was just memory. I didn't expect to blog while depressed, while suicidal. But it happened so I guess we carry on. Maybe this is more authentic anyway--you get to see my mood changing from day to day. Last week at group therapy I told them I had seriously … Continue reading Getting Serious Adult Help