You Are the Reason

I guess I’m not a serious blogger yet because today when my professor asked me what I blog about, I didn’t know what to say. I gave her a vague, “Mormonism… depression… and other mental illnesses I deal with.” Don’t real bloggers have a catchy phrase memorized that will be sure to get them followers and future employment? Like, “My blog is about the effect cats have on humankind. It will make you laugh, weep, and dance daily.”

Also, you may have noticed I keep changing themes. In my defense, it freaks me out, too. I log on and I’m like, whose site is this? But I like this new one–doesn’t the fern thing look so soothing?

Why do I blog? It doesn’t make me money and I’m pretty sure the only people who read it feel obligated to because they’re afraid I’m going to kill myself. I mean, I write about pretty dark, serious issues. Hello, suicide? There are worse things, but that’s pretty high up on the list. I write about depression and anxiety. I throw in a few church references and point my index finger Heavenward in a kind of, “Hey, have I got your attention now? You should turn to God!”

But I guess this is why I write and share it with you:

It’s because I’ve looked into the eyes of too many broken people. It’s because I feel the agony of living and I want to help ease the burden for others. It’s because I sometimes flounder, and I like to pretend that the sixty-ish people who follow this blog might understand about being human. It’s because I want people to hear my thoughts and my hopes and feel something inside themselves, too. Like, I can do this. I’m not alone. This is possible. This can be okay.

I blog because life is hard. And I want to help make it better for everyone. I’m writing one part for me, nine parts for you. I love you guys. When I can’t see the end of the road and I don’t want to go on, I keep going because I want you to. I see you in me. I see your weak and twisted smiles. I see you eating lunch alone every day. I see you screaming and crying on the telephone trying to get help. I see you praying with tears running down your face.

So, people reading this who still have stigma: Please just love better. Please get educated about mental illness. Please be understanding and patient with your struggling brothers and sisters. Please don’t tell them to change their attitude. Please keep the communication lines open, even if what they’re saying is hard to hear. And if you know God, please introduce Him to your friends.

And if you are struggling, please hold on. Please know that you are loved. Please keep your hope. Because you are worth it. You deserve to be happy.

Let me close with the words of a rock god:

“And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own”

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2 thoughts on “You Are the Reason

  1. I just finished segment 3 and 4 of your story. It was interesting to read as installments over 4 days. I liked where your thoughts went in the end. And, thanks for inspiring those of us who are trying to carry on, endure, and find joy.

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    • Laney, thank you so much for reading IKM: HWHN. I’m glad you found enjoyment in it. And really I don’t feel very inspirational. Any inspiration I might offer comes from the fact that I’m hurting and fighting like everyone else. Keep moving forward, all right?

      Like

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