She said she liked crying. Her own crying and when others cry.
Well all right. Then this new counselor will love seeing me.
I’m not full of words lately. Obviously, based on my last four posts, my mind’s been in a kind of… interesting place. I hope you all liked that story, or even if you didn’t like or read it, I’m glad you’re being patient with me as a writer. You’re letting me grow up a little bit. Many of you probably signed on to this blog thinking it would be some kind of eternal source of inspiration. Well to be honest, so did I. I foolishly assumed that once I had hiked my mountain of being in counseling, not killing myself, writing some pieces about it, and working off the pills that I would be okay. Even happy.
We do that in life. We do that in my church. It’s just how humans are–we have a problem, we recognize it, and we eventually deal with it, and then we hope or maybe just wish life after that will be easy. Or, we have a goal, and we accomplish it, and then we think we’re done. The whole “endure to the end” thing sounds a lot easier than it really is.
It’s a good thing that Jesus Christ is so loving. What if after we tried our best and then failed at something, He loved us accordingly? Threw His hands up and said, “Well, I tried to love you! You are just hopeless! You’re a waste of My time.” Oh, how terrible that would be.
But, team, this is not the case!
Let me tell you one of the coolest things that has happened to me lately. It involves serious crying. So, I’m Mormon (LDS). Maybe you’ve heard that my church just had a General Conference (if you don’t know what that is and you’re interested, you can find out more about it right here). For me, General Conference is gathering with family around the TV twice a year to knit hats and be inspired by ecclesiastical leaders.
Anyway, during the September 2014 General Women’s Meeting, this sweet and inspirational man, Dieter F. Uchtdorf (the Second Counselor in the First Presidency), gave a talk that really tugged on my heartstrings and made grateful tears stream down my face all while he was speaking.
Hopefully you read past all that Mormon jargon and you can get to the meat of this message! He said,
“You are loved.
You are dear to your heavenly parents.
The infinite and eternal Creator of light and life knows you! He is mindful of you.
Yes, God loves you this very day and always.
He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your weaknesses and bad habits. He loves you today with a full understanding of your struggles. He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful prayer. He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and believed—even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of your sufferings. He knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short or failed. And still He loves you.
And God knows of your successes; though they may seem small to you, He acknowledges and cherishes each one of them. He loves you for extending yourself to others. He loves you for reaching out and helping others bear their heavy burdens—even when you are struggling with your own.
He knows everything about you. He sees you clearly—He knows you as you really are. And He loves you—today and always!”
Reader, please don’t give up. Please keep trying like I am. Life is so hard for me and I am still going. I’m seeing a new counselor through my school. I’m starting group therapy on Wednesday. I’m writing about my problems and I’m talking about them and I’m praying about them, trying to figure out a way to get better. Let’s keep doing this, because I know we’ve got the “Creator of light and life” on our side. And I know He loves you, and me. Little old me.
Let’s do this.
And if you’re interested, here is the link to see Dieter F. Uchtdorf give this address. (The part I quoted starts at about 15:41.)