I don’t have much to say because I don’t feel qualified to blog lately. I’ve tried to maintain a realistic yet positive blog since December; however, some of you may have noticed that in the last month or so, my posts have taking a slightly more depressing turn. This makes sense because (and of course I didn’t realize this fully until about a week ago) I am depressed! Lol. It’s hard to not feel stupid that I, Maney, self-proclaimed “girl of depression and anxiety” did not recognize the signs. It’s more than a little embarrassing. So for those of you who are nodding knowingly right now, “I thought she might be taking a downhill turn,” you were right. Next time feel free to call me out on it.
I am currently attending a university I have heard called “Mormon Harvard.” I hate to actually write out the name because if you know, you know, and if you don’t, it really doesn’t matter. One university degree is about as good as the next, and frankly I still miss my old school. But anyway, the point of this is that at my university we do these weekly things called devotionals. Probably a few thousand students gather in a huge building and we get to listen to a great speaker for an hour. My experience of devotionals has been positive thus far. But today our speaker (Dan Clark) really struck a chord. He made me realize that I have been setting my personal expectations pretty low.
To be fair, I have an imbalance of chemicals in my brain. That’s real. But it’s more than that. Since I realized that I have been really low for the last little while, I have a footing. Like when you sink too deep in a body of water and you’re almost out of breath, but once your feet touch the ground, you find the strength to push up. Or like that story my dad used to tell me (which he denies telling me) about the donkey that fell into a pit and the farmer gave up trying to get him out and started burying it. Shovelful and shovelful of dirt went in, trying to give the donkey a proper burial. But the donkey wouldn’t have it. Every time a shovelful of dirt fell on its back, it shook it off and stepped up. By the end of the day, the donkey was able to walk out of the pit.
You’d never think a donkey would be smart enough to get itself out of a pit, would you? Okay, I can’t pretend to know your predisposed beliefs about donkeys, sorry. They don’t have the best reputation of the animal kingdom, at least in my opinion. Except for maybe the donkey that carried Mary to Bethlehem, but he/she was the exception. And speaking of animals, I actually wrote a similarly inspirational post about turkeys a while back. (I finally figured out how to put a URL into a word! #smileyface)
Well, anyway, sorry for how rambling this post is. In my defense, I can literally feel my brain straining to have complex thoughts since most of my energy lately has been spent trying to survive and hopefully find some kind of happiness.
The point: I really believe that you are a beloved child of God, Reader. Don’t set your expectations low because you think you’re a donkey or a turkey, because even they have really awesome potential. And here’s to me and you feeling happier in the future, eh?