I write a lot and I tend to be pretty open about my problems and feelings when I write. You guys get a glimpse into the Maney Universe every so often, understanding pieces of me that I guess probably 99.99% of the world’s population never will. That’s kind of cool, right? Or maybe it’s not cool–I’m okay with that. I’m gonna keep writing.
Today at school I was thinking about if one of my close friends ever asked me directly about my depression or suicidal thoughts. If I thought they were serious, or maybe if I realized that they were going through the same struggles, what would I tell them? And suddenly I was like, “Wait a minute! There are probably at least one or two people who read Maney (as my dad refers to it) who actually feel this way.”
I mean, you’re not reading this for the stellar writing or original thought processes.
I feel like for a lot of people, “suicide” is a no-no word. If you don’t say it, that makes everything better. FALSE. These people do not get it. And that’s great for them! It would be awesome if no one ever had to deal with this trial, because to quote Buffy, “My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it.”
This is what I would tell a loved one if they confessed to me that they were dealing with this crap, and wanted to know how I handle it:
Tell someone, tell someone, tell someone. Figure out who cares, and tell them. Network. You need to look around at the people you socialize with and decide who can help you. You can’t do this alone, because it will be you and your brain sitting in a dimly lit room discussing a very dark topic and it will end badly.
“Uh, hey, brain. I want to die.”
“Hm. Well, due to the terrible situation we’re in and the imbalance of chemicals that is me, I can’t think of a better or more logical alternative. Go for it.”
“Sounds good, thanks.”
NO! This is not true! YOU HAVE BETTER OPTIONS. And you need to figure out who is going to be the one to tell you this when times get especially hard. For me, it’s my parents, a friend or two, and God. For you, it could be a close friend, an employer, a significant other, a family member, a religious leader, a kind-looking woman at the bus stop, someone on a suicide hotline, a counselor, a doctor, a teacher or professor–figure it out. If one doesn’t work, just keep trying. Move down your support list until someone is ready to do back-flips to keep you alive. Make it their problem. And if they really love you, the back-flips will begin.
If you think that you don’t have anyone who cares if you live or die, you are wrong. If any such unloved person exists in the world, you are not them, Reader, because I love you. I want you to keep going. And I know that God, your loving Heavenly Father, wants you to keep going, too. He loves us so much, more than we’ll ever understand.
As my sweet counselor texted me, “You are a very important person and deserve life to a be a little less hard and much happier!”
Do you believe it? Well, we’d better.