All the things are screaming I am important pay attention to me listen listen listen!!
I am shouting leave me alone! Leave me! Augh!
The FAFSA is shouting I need you to fill me out! The dinner shouts put me in the fridge! The missionaries shout you need to write us!
Shut up shut up augh!! I need to just concentrate on one thing please! Let me just focus on this breathing motion!
No no no! Worry about scholarships! Worry about your family! Worry about your chores! Worry about your friends your pills your sleeping pattern!
No I won’t worry! I’ll stay up until three not worrying! I’ll watch Invader Zim and pretend that I don’t have problems! Too, too many exclamation points in one post, in one brain. I’m going to snap, going to snap, going to–
Go jogging! they shout. Eat veggies and listen to Enya and remember to be positive!
Shut up I’ll do what I want! Ahhhhhhh!!!
* * *
Silence falls and I remember that these voices are just echoes–I’m the only one talking. Maney, you tell the worries to shut up and then you keep worrying. Huh.
That actually felt really good to type out, like releasing my worries about worrying into the void. I also feel bad though, because I usually try to end these with a gold nugget of moral wisdom. But you know, life doesn’t always feel like every situation ties up neatly with a classy bow. Sometimes–acutally, usually–life feels like a crazy mess that we’re stumbling through with our eyes closed. And you know what? I think it’s okay.
So here’s one of my favorite songs (“Video Killed the Radio Star”) covered by Danger Button, a band that’s quite close to my heart. They broke up about a month ago so this doesn’t qualify as a shameless plug, since they won’t profit from your fandom. My brother’s the one on the bass. I share this song with you not because it’s relevant to life or this blog or anything, but because it makes me happy, and I’m coming off my pills and I’m still happy, and life is beautiful, dang it.
Oh, here comes the moral nugget… Go be happy, you reader, you! You don’t need a reason or a motto or anything. Just let it happen, dear.