Stray Longing

If I could tell you one thing, it’s that I’ll never stop thinking about you.  I’ve memorized your face a thousand times in my dreams. Straight nose, blond hair, turquoise blue, gorgeous eyes. Always taller than I think you are. Never quite fully mature, because you died before you could reach that point. But your eyes were mature–and maybe that somehow made up for the years you missed.

I would say to you that you’ll never die, never, not really, because you’ll always be in my mind and my heart, telling me it’s okay to blow my nose in public, or that being “uncool” is probably the coolest thing I’ll ever be. I’d wrap you in my arms, or maybe punch you first (because I always told you I’d punch you if you ever died, never really thinking it would happen), and I’d tell you that you’ve changed my life forever, and I love you, and I’ll never stop missing you, not really. And every time I dream I’m in high school, or in marching band, or hanging out with our friends, I’ll always wake up with that big, best-friend-shaped hole in my heart, whether I burst into sobs or smile because I’m so grateful my unconscious remembers your face so well.

I believe you’re alive still in a different place, and therefore the part of my heart you took is still alive somewhere, somewhere I don’t remember, somewhere I hope to return to again. So, anyway, I love you. And in your own words, “Have a great life.”

P.S. You should know that I’ll never come up with the right words to explain what we had, how I feel, and everything. But you know, I try.

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  1. Pingback: The Tag Line | maney smiles back

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